finally, i can breath again..was gasping for air since Monday..

I snapped 2 days ago, couldnt take it anymore, the stress, the disappointments, the fear, the trying too hard syndrome (which i ended up making more mistakes). During this emotional battle, again everything came at once..the fear i used to have, the hopelessness and helplessness, the 'i'm not good enough' thinking, the i'm never gonna be as good..etc...the doubts, am i on the right track? how did i ever get here..I'm so alone..

as i looked back, all that seemed small now..but they were not few days ago. I was confused and dejected and yes, i believe the enemy used this vulnerable period to attack. I was drowning, trying so hard to swim to the surface. During that process, i felt like giving up, it was tiring and confusing no doubt.

when a friend asked me how's everything..i told him that i felt like shit (that's the closest word to describe how i felt)

I knew this was an attack, trying to break me..i prayed hard..cried to my Father. I read sth about His grace is sufficient for me, He wil not let me go through sth that i cant bear, He's faithful. For the first time in my life, every morning, i declared God is able even when i am not. He is there though i felt forsaken.

I choose to persevere... a friend of mine back in adelaide msged me suddenly and told me that he felt the urge to find out how im doing. Again, that's God-sent! He knows what i need. Another friend of mine, told me to persevere. God will never fail me. And so i did...putting on the armor of God (ephesians) and fought back, trying hard to stand even when hell break lose (it's hard but not impossible)..with God in the battle, we're an invincible team.

yesterday was amazing, i had fun with all the staffs and my boss.. things just turned around.. 360 degrees, was so much more relaxed than previous days. My boss told me, you are SOOO MUCHH more relax than before and you seemed to enjoy work! Apparently, my 'stress' affected my boss. She was worried and couldnt sleep well for few nights..and that was not funny (she told me)

All is well, once again God proved me right, there's good in every circumstances. He is faithful indeed, like a Father who carry the child through the storm when the child is too tired, if only we are WILLING to come to Him first..and ASK.. He can do this for everyone..if only we are willing...if only we give our burdens to Him and not taking them back after that..

*cant really tell what exectly happen in the workplace due to confidentiality reason..may be fired if i breach that.