hm...sometimes i wish i can easily cry, at least the endorphins released cause you to feel better after that. sadly, i cant, and emotions are just accumulating and one day, boOoom! It's more suffering
this way, not knowing when the explosion time is.

People may say that I'm thinking too much..but, what i'm feeling and going through is real to me. This is the worst emotional crisis since 2 years ago. Probably fuel with external stress and 
mental stress, i dont know. Not being myself, in my head, i know what i should do and shouldnt do, but have
no power or the strength to actually do it..it's tiring..it made me want to give up altogether. I know i should keep on going, but just too tired.

Enough of the self-pity. There are other people who are worse off than me. My situation is not that bad,..these are what i told myself but cant help feeling this way. Circumstances are not that overwhelming, the usual me can just continue... but now why am i feeling so low, so discouraged, so hard-hearted..so disheartened?  It seems like i want to get up and continue, but i cant, no matter 
how hard i tried. I'm just sitting down, too tired to even try again.

Seriously, i need to find the strength to start again. Father, i ask for rest and strength. i ask for understanding on what's happening...give me strength..for Your strength are made perfect in my weakness. If this is a test of faith, I want to keep the faith, help me to. i believe You will come through. Amen.